«THE NATURE OF REALITY»

        Recently our parish council spent a day on retreat in magnificent surroundings at a Retreat Centre in Auckland.

With the hurly-burly of everyday concerns, the concept of a retreat is a powerful one … time to meditate and expand mind, heart and soul into the silence of nature. The reality, of course, rarely matches the idyllic concepts which our minds conjure up.

The surroundings were certainly beautiful but then too, so was the unseasonal rain which God chose to send in great abundance on the day. There were indeed patches when the rain stopped and we could stroll in the grounds, however, the silence was less invasive than one might have hoped. Hammering emanated from a house being built on the boundary; traffic noises filtered up from a busy main road beyond the parkland and the cicadas struggled to make themselves heard over the power tools in the adjacent shed. So much for the idyllic picture.

And yet how much like life – we all have these ideals in our head: ideal parents; ideal jobs; ideal partners; ideal homes; ideal children; ideal selves. Reality seldom matches the concept. So what are our options?

We have a range of defence mechanisms instinctively ready within, to avoid looking at our defects. We also have the option to complain, wring our hands, bemoan our fate, feel hard done by and set ourselves up for permanent failure by our unrealistic expectations of self or others.

Alternatively we can accept reality as it is and start from where we are, in the direction of “better”. Better does not have to be perfect, so we will feel fulfilled however little we may accomplish.

Mother Theresa would fling the windows of the chapel open to the noises of the streets of India, because that was the reality: the heat, the flies, the surge of humanity – not the perfect silence for the perfect prayer, but the embracing of the everyday reality and making the most of it.

Mind Matters is a regular Times column by Pamela Glyn, a Howick-based psychologist. Tel/Fax: 535-2224. Email: glynpsy@pl.net Web site: www.glyn-psychology.co.nz